求助求助,这样的邀请函行么

Relationship: student andfriend.
Purpose of the trip: to introduce Grace to the American way of life before shebecomes a post-graduate student in America next year.
Duration of stay in the USA:less than six weeks.
Accommodations:
Helena, Montana – the home of afriend/former neighbor and hotels.
Westlake, Ohio– the home of my eldest daughter and her husband.
Cary, North Caroline – the homeof my son and his wife.
Living expenses: Wang ge andmyself.
Date of departure: On or about July21st, 2011.

Grace will be presenting this letter to you, together with other documentsand to assure you that she will return prior to the visa expiration for her visitin the United States.Should you require any further information, please do not hesitate to contactme.

Yours Truly,
前面的都没有问题,我怎么觉得purpose那么写不好呢,还有结尾是不是加上
I am requesting that you issue a tourist (B-2) visa to her, in order to allow her to visit with me in the United States.We have been friends for the past 3 years and I would like her to visit, thissummer.比较好些
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