gre作文原稿(第三段)
The nonmainstream areas can do harm to[1] the society, only when people don't inquire them merely for fun, but for resolution[2] of life instead. It is ignorance because no one in the world could point out way for others, neither does the God[3]. Only those people with confidence have the possibility to successfully solve problems.
语言修改
Nonmainstream areas can harm society when people look to them for genuine solutions to real problems, not just for fun. This is done from ignorance, since nobody, not even God, can provide any answers. Only people with confidence can successfully solve their problems.
gre作文内容点评及修改
这是习作的第三段，作者进一步提出如果是为了好玩而相信迷信的东西是没有关系的。假设你是用迷信的东西来解决生活问题就会出问题。因为这个世界上没有人能够为其他的人指明道路，上帝也不行。他所说的最后这句话有点过于绝对，很多人是可以为他人指明道路，他们的职业就是这样的，比方说辅导员、老师。
这段与前一段的问题一样，只阐明了观点，但是没有提出任何的例证来支持观点。只说论点，不讲证据是中国学生的普遍问题。另外，在英语国家里，上帝是主流的而不是“非主流的”。在内容上又有点偏题。文章的题目是主流与非主流，可以定义为科学与迷信，但是宗教并不是迷信。宗教在西方社会是居于主流地位的。这一段的措辞有点像是讨论科学与宗教的关系，这是不恰当的。不过，这篇习作有一个突出的优点就是每一段的开头句都有topic sentence开宗明义。
如果想要使这段的论述更加充实，不妨添加下面这些例子。如一个人如果得病的话应该去找医生而不是去找算命的。星象学家也许会相信星座的移动造成了流行性感冒，但是真正治疗感冒症状的可能是阿司匹林。另外，不能只提出只有那些具备信心和解决问题能力的人才能克服困难，要用例子支持一下，可以举出如果因为星座专栏说你在找工作方面有非常好的运气，你就对一次找工作的面试掉以轻心，那就可能会把好机会糟蹋了。这就是对“只有那些有信心的人、有自信的人才能解决问题”的说明。
gre作文修改范例
Nonmainstream areas can be harmful when people look to them for genuine solutions to real problems, not just for fun. A person who becomes ill should seek help from a health care professional but should not resort to consulting a fortune-teller. Astrologers may believe that the rotation of planets accounts for influenza, yet aspirin is definitely more effective in treating its symptoms. As for individuals, only people with confidence and problem-solving skills can surmount difficulties. If you treat an important interview lightly just because the astrology column says that you have fabulous luck in job-hunting, you may ruin a great opportunity. |
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