《我们的顶级商学院之路》Essay精粹连载
全部采用国人申请实战范文，独创的逐字逐句点评法，相信你从一篇篇sample中收获的不仅仅是对题目的理解，还有清晰的写作思路和possible topics。 本连载的典范Essay topics 分别来自哈佛商学院,哥伦比亚商学院，沃顿商学院，杜克Fuqua商学院，达顿商学院，西北大学克洛格商学院和塔克商学院7个学校，和一篇失败案例。
连载汇总：http://www.sharewithu.com/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=420985&extra=page%3D1
连载之一：Harvard Business School Essay Sample
Topic: What is your career vision and why is this choice meaningful to you?
My long term career vision is to help develop the private healthcare sector in China, and improve the quality of health care for millions of rural Chinese people. After my MBA, I plan to get a management position with a leading private hospital chain in China, help to improve its operations and lead its expansion into rural areas.
【HBS 的Career Goal Essay（职业目标essay）算是各个学校中最短的了。如何同样清楚的表达自己的目标和对这一目标的激情就成为一个挑战。作者在首段就简单明了的点出自己的长期和短期职业目标，给读者非常明确的方向——what is my goal?（我的目标是什么？）可以直观的看出两个目标之间的联系和逻辑关系。更重要的是，这一职业目标是能对数百万中国农村人口产生益处的。这是非常符合HBS 的口味的，HBS 喜欢的申请人都是有要创造历史或者改变世界的野心的年轻人，作者的这一立意首先就占了优势。】
As a child, I lived in a remote village where my father served as a volunteer doctor for two years. I remember the patients had to line up for hours for treatment. One morning a six-year-old boy was carried to my father by anxious parents. The boy had caught acute pneumonia the night before. With no nearby doctors or nurses, his parents’ only choice was to carry the sick boy on their backs and walk ten miles to the clinic. But it was too late. The boy died on the way.
【这一段讲述了作者儿时的一段经历，虽然这个故事的主角不是作者本人，但是这并不妨碍作者表达为什么自己会产生如此的决心要达成自己的职业目标—— why do I want to do this?（为什么我想做这个？）作者用对细节的着重描写让读者有历历在目之感，而且小男孩悲惨的生命更能引起读者的同情和共鸣，让读者能感动深受，作者的意图就体现得顺利成章了。】
In China, healthcare is largely run by the government. But more than 80% of government medical funding is allocated to urban areas, even though 60% of the population resides in rural areas. I believe the private sector should play a more active role. However, during my work in medical industry, I found out that many privately run medical facilities were very inefficient and their service quality was poor.
【用儿时的经历解释了作者产生职业目标的动机还是不够的，作者在此段进一步诠释了自己的职业理想是坚定的，用残酷的中国农村地区医疗现状来表明自己职业规划的必要性—— why is it the right thing to do?（为什么这是可以做的？）同时详实的数据有说明作者对行业的insight。】
During my first two years at consulting, I have worked with a variety of healthcare players in China, including medical authorities, pharmaceutical companies, clinics and hospitals. After transfer to the New York Office, I have been working with the US Department of Health to learn from a different healthcare system. All these experiences will help me to develop industry knowledge and management skills, which should prepare me to contribute to the development of private medical sector in China.
【用自己过往的经历说明自己已经具备的skill set 以及I am the right person to do the right thing.】
Now I am ready and eager to take the critical next step by pursuing an MBA degree at HBS. Besides a vast array of resources in leadership and management, HBS will bring me a global network of people who share my passion. The Healthcare Initiative and Entrepreneurship Initiative will provide me a great opportunity to combine my passion for both. I also plan to become an active member of the Healthcare Club, seeking potential opportunities at leading service providers or healthcare-focused venture capital firms that will help me realize my career vision.
【最后简单扼要但是又很有针对性的说明了how HBS can help me to do the right thing?（为什么HBS 能帮你实现梦想？即，为什么要选择HBS）很多作者写 why school（为什么选择该所学校）的时候容易犯的错误是只写学校能提供什么或者学校的优点是什么，但是作者在寥寥数笔中很明确的表达了学校能提供的帮助和对自己的提升能对自己未来的目标有什么帮助。】
综合点评
通篇而论，这不到400 字的文章，麻雀虽小但五脏俱全。作者保持了自己平实的语言风格，通篇看不到一个“繁华”的词汇，但是每一句话都有其重要的作用和所要表达的观点。这里的评论着重帮大家分析了作者的文章的内在逻辑。HBS 的文章对字数的要求很高，很多人会因为字数要求舍弃一部分内容，或造成逻辑不完整，或造成描写不生动。如何同时做到逻辑完整、生动精炼，此文为大家做了一个非常好的示例。
更多：http://www.sharewithu.com/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=420985&extra=page%3D1 |
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